i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
