honey bunches of taint.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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