Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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