first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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