Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
handjob tips. give me some.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
