the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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