you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
birth control should be required to get into college
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
