i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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