In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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