I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
