I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
