Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
