either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
