i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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