Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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