if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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