woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
