On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
