He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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