they need to just BURY HIM!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
