He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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