Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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