if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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