ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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