did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
