she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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