Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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