This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
