im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize