You don't have asthma, your pregnant
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
