You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
