They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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