Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
