I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
