so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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