she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
