I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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