we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
