And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
