ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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