bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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