i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
