mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
