NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
