My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Someone shattered a urinal.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
