If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
