Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
