i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
