Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
