he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
