then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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