my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
