Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
