I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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