So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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