You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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