Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
