u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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