Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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