I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
