Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
40s are totally the cure
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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