she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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